How Do You Cope?

Its Monday and we all know Mondays suck and is ideally the saddest day of the week. My blog hopefully has been something most people look forward to on a Monday. Today we are gonna be talking about a touchy topic that kinda came up on me today cause initially hadn't planned on writing about it. A friend of mine that I used to be pretty close with lost someone close to them and personally not having dealt with something of that nature it dawned upon me that if I felt this bad about not knowing what to say or how to comfort them others out there might feel the same. So I figured I would make this blog-post and maybe help someone reading this or get some advice from y'all on the topic. Doubtful that they will see this but maybe they will feel compelled to read my blog for old times sake and me talking to them or anyone who lost someone like this will help them with what they are feeling. So today we are talking about coping with the loss of a loved one...

The death of a loved one is an event that all of us is likely to experience during our lifetimes, often on numerous occasions. Whilst lives are often transformed by such loss, it does not necessarily need to be for the worse in the long term. Dealing effectively and positively with grief caused by such a loss is central to your recovery process and your ability to continue with and fulfill your own life for the better. Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief will be. You may associate grief with the death of a loved one—which is often the cause of the most intense type of grief—but any loss can cause grief. Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried – and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Grief is about more than your feelings—it will show up in how you think as well. Physical responses are also to be expected. You may experience tightness in your throat, heaviness across your chest, or pain around your heart.

The five stages of grief:

Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”

Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”

Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”

Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”

Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

Even though every individual grieves in their own way studies have show there is a baseline view of how grief occurs. In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up. You are your own person, with your own personality, your own life experiences, your own relationship with the one who died, and your own understanding of life and death. So you should not expect a "one-size-fits-all grief" that will suit you. You’re too unique for that. Despite your individual uniqueness, you’ll probably discover an overall pattern to your grief as it progresses.  In time there comes a slowly growing acceptance of what has happened, but it’s not necessarily a happy acceptance and that is something you have to come to terms with. As a preemptive strike to your grief try to live your life so you have minimal regrets as it helps with the grief when you can look back and regret nothing. Make the most of all opportunities and leave nothing unsaid because you never know what could happen in an instant.

For those out there in a similar situation like me where you don't exactly know how to help someone going through the loss of a loved one or some other grief in general here is some advice from what I researched. The fear of making things worse may encourage you to do nothing, but you do not wish to appear to be uncaring. Remember that it is better to try to do something, inadequate as you may feel, than to do nothing at all. Don't attempt to sooth or stifle the emotions of the griever. Tears and anger are an important part of the healing process. Grief is not a sign of weakness. It is the result of a strong relationship and deserves the honor of strong emotion. When supporting someone in their grief the most important thing is to simply listen. Grief is a very confusing process, expressions of logic are lost on the griever. The question "tell me how you are feeling" followed by a patient and attentive ear will seem like a major blessing to the grief stricken. Be present, show that you care, listen. Your desire is to assist your friend down the path of healing. They will find their own way down that path, but they need a helping hand, an assurance that they are not entirely alone on their journey. It does not matter that you do not understand the details, your presence is enough. Funny enough after I did this research a friend told me that all that is required of me is to be a friend so this is me being a friend. Hopefully it helps my friend, your friend or you yourself the reader. Until next time...