Wednesday, March 23, 2011

To Thump Har Up Or Not To Thump Har Up??

This has truly been one hell of a week so far for me on Facebook and the internet in general with the main theme so far being cheating and abuse in relationship. Be forewarned some of the video's used in this blog will over time get removed so hopefully your reading this and they still work. The previous song seemingly vulgar/violent in content affectionately entitled "Thump Har Up" is actually a song about sex and ensuring one does it well; I would be lying if I said I didn't initially think it was about abuse. Sadly this rough love of sort seems to be the new 'in thing' from Vybz Kartel's song "Rampin Shop" to Bounti Killer with his alleged 'hammer' incident to the latest dancehall craze 'daggering'. Here in Jamaica we have over the years stuck to the olden ways of a patriarchal society (yes I know some might have to Google that so just click it for the definition) as with most societies; for whatever reason religious or otherwise it has been how we were born and raised. Over the years abuse in relationships has become more and more commonplace at an alarming rate and is always a controversial topic mired in the abyss of societal degradation. Growing up most if not all men at one point or another are told not to hit girls as they are the fairer sex and are not to be treated in such a manner; my own mother even went a step further to tell me not to do it to something as lowly as a dog. Somehow along the way unfortunately whether through society or personal experiences that clear cut instruction has been twisted into varying degrees of acceptance, from not unless the woman hits you first to unless they provoked you in some manner.

I'm sure alot of people by now have seen the video of the man in Jamaica beating his woman over breaking his chain, retaliating (provoking him) and having a next man (allegedly). If not view it here...

This is truly deplorable and wrong in all senses of it, but yet one has to wonder why the entire community is on the side of the man. Now seriously this man went about handling this situation the wrong way, even if she overstepped her boundary and disrespected him, she did not deserve to be treated in such a manner, however in the heat of the moment both parties involved and the community at large reacted poorly. Which leads me into my next rant about relationships and being faithful. For arguments sake lets call the next three main people Jose, Rosita and Manuel in order of appearance.

Now as bad as that was I kinda had to as a man be on Manuel's side because honestly Rosita kinda had that coming. Jose is kinda in the clear as most times in situations like that cause he the man and just taking advantage of the situation. Manuel realizing this directs all of his attention and anger to Rosita in a pretty brutal manner. Why do females feel the need to be with one man and go dance with another and vice versa? Might as well have stayed single and danced on whichever anonymous penis/vagina you feel like I think. In this day and age I notice this trend that women tend to want to have it all but there's a saying that "if you want it all you will lose it all". Before I get tons of hate mail from females let me just say I am a man so I can only speak from that perspective so feel free to comment and shed light on your side of the rainbow. At the end of the day lots of good men and women are out there giving their all in the relationship only to end up being used or taken for granted as seen in the aforementioned video. It's in situations as such where the line between whats right and wrong is blurred in terms of how far and wrongly the man reacts. If you are with someone you should be with them and them alone because you saw something in that person that you valued and wanted to have for yourself as it should be. So why would you want to risk losing that connection?

Yes I know i'm kinda making you read more than I usually do today but this is a very prominent topic especially this week cause i mean it's like three new videos and its only freaking Wednesday. That's like one a day or something if my math is correct. As such in this final video we see a different take on things with a mother and daughter seemingly fighting over the same penis. Yes you heard me right; mother and daughter. Tis a sad, sad world we live in when mother and daughter have to share the same penis...

In closing for the love of God; just be the best partner you can be to your significant other; don't give them a reason to doubt you, mistrust you, or feel neglected by you. Try to practice and apply the 3 C's in your relationship as best you can: Care, Compromise & Communication. Make the relationship work for both of you because regardless what crap you may think about the opposite sex being dogs or bitches everyone needs someone. So why not make yourself that person for someone so they can do the same for you? If there is something missing from your relationship don't go out to seek it with someone else; ascertain how you can best get it from your own relationship and if it just cannot be done do the right thing and make a clear decision to love or to leave. You can compromise but you can't have it all your way; relationships and Burger King are two totally different things. Even Jesus needed God and look how powerful he was; the man could freaking raise the dead for christ's sake...(pun intended)


March 23, 2011 at 11:10 PM

man this was a very long one bt i still read it cuz im a woman who have seen it b4 n it scared d shit out of me bt some ppl dnt knw hw to come off a high called rage n stop themselves from doing dumb things, im not agreeing to violence never wud bt ladies if u knw wat makes ur man snap dnt be d kind of person who trying to prove a point by pushing those buttons yes we do it at times expecting oh he will never hit us bt wen he does so shock n its so unbelievable take care of urself and hopefully this wnt have to happen to u, if ur in a abusive relationship please seek help u dnt av to settle for less no matter wat u look like or anything u are the greatest bcuz God himself created you that way.

Chu ^_^

March 24, 2011 at 12:19 AM

I have to say that agree with certain you said but in terms of where you were trying to correlate all under the same topic, I can't fully agree.

I'm a female and I do somewhat the "mans role" but not to the extent as to be dominate over females and such. I see it more as the community not wanting to get involve rather than thinking the man is right?

it's hard to post a comment or a blog on abuse. alot of people see abusive relationship and just think of 'the person is in abuse relationship should leave' and not actually understanding the emotional and mental impact you have being involve.

woman dancing with another guy and knowing they have one is like me asking the same about a guy who has a girl and does the same. does she deserve if her guy beats her? no, but she humiliate him? true but putting hands on ANYONE is all it boils down to is irritable nonsense. neither is right.

the movado song, I cannot fully comment on since I have not listen to the song fully.

I agree at the end but telling someone and making them seeing it is two different thing.

March 24, 2011 at 12:28 PM

i dunno if its so much not wanting to get involved considering they all came out and watched and with the sheer volume of men there they could have easily subdued him.

i agree with there being more to it than the surface effect only because different people interpret things on varying levels of importance. however in all fairness if your being abused i would think twice an occurrence is enough of a sign that you need to find a safe way to leave.

as far as the woman and guy dancing i said and vice versa cause i know guys do it too and whats good for the goose is good for the gander. you as the couple should know what boundaries to have in your relationship as far as going out or such is concerned. and that guy was totally wrong for slapping on her like that and should have handled the situation better and she should have known her man well enough to know he would react like that and just not do something so outlandish.

at the end of the day its like they say you can carry a horse to water but cant force them to drink it.

March 24, 2011 at 6:46 PM

i dont think all you guys understand the true nature of abuse n what it does to a person yes its wrong if a female does something bad to their man n the wrong approach by the man to get beat up. but on their other hand when the female does not do anything wrong and gets beat up for no reason what do u have to say about that?? huh? please enlighten me. even if u dont want to experience it, it can occur to anyone more than once and trust me it scars a person for life.

i ask of u all dont ever EVER think that its always the womans fault why they get hit in the first place. i am not afraid to let anyone know that i was in a abusive relationship TWICE knowing that i was faithful and they were the ones cheating and i still got beaten up.
i can tell u that this scars me and has affected my current relationship at times just because of it. so please all female out there reading this it can happen to u you r just lucky enough that it didnt happen.

movado song sucks to me n i dont like it point blank.

at the end of the day i am greatful for The-R (my fiance)for putting up n being there for me.

March 24, 2011 at 11:08 PM

My yute mi honestly nuh kno how fi comment star. Mi upset, I'm sympathetic, kinda feeling like serves your right. Jah know star. All in all, abuse is wrong is wrong. I won't take sides cuz both men and women are at fault. We just need to remember what we were taught as right and wrong. In the end, respect brings respect. Respect your mate, and they'll respect you. That's all

March 25, 2011 at 9:15 PM

Poll for : Do You Agree With Abuse In Relationships? ended in 8 people saying NO and 1 person saying depends on the circumstances.

March 29, 2011 at 3:31 PM

I must say that this issue is a common one and it seems some women want it! What do I mean? I mean I've heard some women say if their man don't hit them it means that he doesn't love them ... deep psychological issues maybe linked to an abusive childhood and learning that your parents hit you because they love you! There seems to be a thin line between discipline and abuse!!!

Low self esteem is also a major contributor to such situations, especially with women who think they don't deserve any better than what they are getting and hence why some of us will never understand why a women cannot just get up and leave an abusive relationship. It is said don't judge until you've walked a mile in the other persons shoes but thats one shoes i don't want to fit!

I must say our society has also played its role! Telling men not to get in touch with their emotions as this means they're soft ... i don't mean i want a man to be bawling ... just be in touch with it and learn different ways to express yourself! Yet because this is not so, what do we expect the men to do with their pent up anger when all they've been taught to do is fight n cuss ... when that top blows the man is gonna hit anything in its way and that thing is usually the person he's suppose to love, whether it be his partner or even a child!!!

Respect each other, learn that people differ and both are adults and so there is no domination!!! Being the man of the house doesn't mean you're in charge! People should stop using that saying wrongly! It simply means your head provider and nowadays women are doing that so get with the program and work with each other! Compromise!!!

I must agree with 'The-R' on the three C's - very important in a relationship but i must add another C, Christ, bwoy without Him patience and tolerance is not an easy task!!!

Abuse whether sexually, physically, verbally or emotionally is wrong and unwarranted!!!

Respect Due!!!

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