The Dilemma Of The Nice Guy

Time and time again you have probably heard the phrase Nice guys finish last; but I challenge you today to come to the realization that Nice guys don't necessarily finish last. In reality they aren't even in the race to finish at all. I'll get into that in a second, but on that note welcome to another Monday blog. This one is just a quick post as it was a concept that came to mind after talking to some fellow coworkers. Also apologies if this doesn't turn out to be one of my greatest blog posts as honestly i'm without light at the moment but i crave the internet so I have a makeshift daisy chain of surge-protectors and extension cords running from my land lord place so I can at least charge my gadgets.

Now fundamentally nice guys think they have it all figured out as to how they should treat a woman and all that is well and fine but what they fail to realize; myself in included as a born again nice guy is that not even women know what the hell they want in all honesty. It is for this reason that so much discrepancy exists in our world in the battle of the sex's and why it is a running joke that nice guys finish last and the assholes are winning. In truth and in fact is that assholes win the sprints but the nice guys tend to stay in it for the marathons. granted this kinda sucks because nice guys have to work twice as hard as assholes for roughly the same or lesser treatment but no one ever said life was fair. So above we have a pretty self explanatory expose into what a girl wants and needs right. Lets move on to hear what else they seemingly need.

So now we have basis for two viewpoints as to what women want from their men. I know its an established saying that women like a man in uniform but that ain't the type of soldier Destiny's child be singing about. They be about that thug life aka the hustler's ambition, granted that's fine as a good staple point of a man is the desire to provide and handle his "bizniz". One could surmise that honestly the less options you leave available for a woman the more she grows to appreciate and accept that which is in front of her. Granted that isn't always the best scenario for instance in a abusive relationship where the woman is being controlled to an extreme degree. Women do however gravitate to authority and assertiveness so we know that much to be true. Sadly its a thin line between being the man and being a controlling man based on what her current mood is. Lets take it a step further and see what else we can find that a woman needs.

So yeah if by this point you are confused then we are on the right track because Jah know I ran out of paper trying to write down all the stuff that these songs are saying are required of a man. Oh and let it be known that depending on the mood of the woman any or none of these requirements are expected to be met in full at a moments notice. WHAT, THE ACTUAL, FUCK?? So what can we take from this roller coaster of demands that need to be met in varying amounts for the variety of women in existence? Confidence is key; this is the number one reason why assholes win while nice guys are left to clean up the broken messes that they leave in their wake in the hopes of a better future. So we as nice guys need to take a page or two from the assholes and find a balance between the confidence and alluring machismo that assholes exude and the nice gentlemanly behavior that we hold near and dear to our hearts. Women like to have something to do/work on so you cant be the perfect gentleman and expect them to not get bored not having something interesting to hold their interest and tinker with. Women also need to wise out to the asshole tactics and realize the true value in a nice guy regardless if he doesn't have the alluring confidence that makes your panties wet saying all the right things. Nice guys are still learning and have flaws that can be tinkered with and worked on to your liking but with way less risk and heart break at the end of the road. Anywhore looking forward to hear y'all thoughts and experiences as such cause we are all here to learn so share the knowledge and opinions... 

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A Woman Who Understands?

Yup its definitely feeling like one of those days. Had semi kinda promised to do a follow up to this blog post I made about what makes a good girlfriend so to speak; you can find that here (http://zalgocometh.blogspot.com/2013/02/precisely-perfect-partner.html). Sadly however I couldn't find a female open enough and willing enough to share her experiences so I had kind of put it off. To my surprise I stumble upon today while surfing the interwebs, an old video a girl had made giving females out there some sound advice as to how to be good women to their men. This video has been circling the internet for a bit now and sparks heated controversy wherever it goes. Men everywhere mostly love it and females everywhere mostly hate it; so I figured why not share it on my blog and see if I can't get some people to talk about it and maybe even educate some females on how simple it can be to please/keep a man. So without further adieu I present for your viewing pleasure...

Feel free to send this video or the blog post itself to any and everyone you feel will have an opinion. I got to admit that I have a hard time disputing what she is saying as a man; plus she is the one saying these things not a man or a man forcing her to. This may not be concrete advice that works for every man in the world but i'll be damned if it wont work for most of us. The interesting thing about this video is that, its not like its a man saying this stuff but a woman so its not like we as a gender are being sexist or selfish. This female genuinely believes what she is saying and a lot of men out there downright agree and support her words 150%. In keeping with the knowledge being dropped on the ladies tonight as well as this being an outlet for any man reading to direct other ladies to a source of knowledge they can accept or reject. Here is a list a friend of mine made from a male standpoint of things that go through a guys mind in a relationship:

"Why men avoid dating Hot women.....Disadvantages Of Dating A Beautiful Woman"

10) Other men will try to sleep with her.

While you can hopefully trust that your friends won't try to get her in the sack, distant colleagues and casual acquaintances are another matter. Unlike your buddies, they don't owe you any loyalty, and may not respect the fact that your girlfriend is, well, your girlfriend.
Their primal instincts will take over and they won't be able to stop themselves from putting the moves on her when your back is turned. Actually, some of them may not even wait that long.

9) You'll fight with guys you don't even know.

This brings me to my second point. If another man starts to put the moves on your woman, and you tell him to back off, and he doesn't, things may get ugly. Even if you were formerly a pacifist, and a gentleman, the male attention that your woman will constantly garner will have you learning Muay Thai in no time.

8) You'll become jealous and possessive.

So, you're not the jealous type? Think again; this woman will turn you green in no time. Even if she is 100% faithful, the fact that good-looking guys are always ogling her and talking to her will drive you nuts. Pretty soon, you may find yourself not wanting her to talk to anyone but you, which will eventually drive her nuts. Brace yourself, my friend.

7) No one will notice you in her presence.
When the two of you make an entrance, others may not even notice that you are there at all. Everyone's eyes will be on her, and you will inevitably fall into oblivion. If you aren't the insecure, attention-seeking type, this may not bother you. In fact, you'll just be proud that the object of everyone's attention is there with you.
On the other hand, if you always have to be the man of the hour, you may become resentful of the fact that she is constantly stealing the spotlight. Unless, of course, you are incredibly handsome, in which case, people will ogle both of you equally.

6) People will assume that she wants you for your money.

While men are trying to pick their tongues up from off the floor and women are looking for a flaw of hers to dwell on, they will invariably start to talk about her and the guy she's with (that's you).
Unfortunately, the first thing they will likely assume is that you're loaded, which is why you've got a sweet woman on your arm. It doesn't matter whether or not this is actually the case; people love to gossip.

5) She can easily manipulate you.

The next thing people will think is that she has you under her thumb (poor guy). The worst part? Maybe she does. Think that that would never happen to you? Don't be so sure.
Do you find yourself obliging her every request just because she flashes that incredible smile of hers your way? Does she get away with everything? Watch out. Although it may be your pleasure now, if you are always the one doing things for her, and she never appreciates or reciprocates these actions, you will soon grow resentful of her.

4) It will be harder to trust her.

This leads nicely into my next point. And that is: it is harder to trust a hot chick than an average-looking chick because a hot chick can usually get whatever she desires, whether it's another man or another pair of shoes.
You may spend your time away from her wondering what she's up to, and whether or not she has your best interests at heart, or merely her own. You will wonder whether or not it is even possible for her to go out with her girlfriends and not pick up some guys along the way.

3) You'll be insecure.

While you are wondering whether or not she is trustworthy, that annoying little voice in your head that always gets you to second-guess yourself will emerge and tell you that your doubts are indeed well-founded and that she is out to do you harm.
You will start to call her constantly, even in the middle of the night, and show up wherever she is "just to say hi." No, she won't find it sweet; she'll find it sick.

2) Her ego could be a problem.

A really hot chick who doesn't know how hot she is is hard to find. Chances are that your woman has been complimented on her looks so many times that by now, her head is a little bigger than most girls'. In fact, she may be downright egotistical.
She may honestly think that she is the prettiest, smartest, most talented, most fun woman in the room... all the time. Can you honestly deal with someone like that?

1) You may stay with her for the wrong reasons.

You may become blinded by her looks that you overlook (no pun intended) any serious personality flaws that she may have. You will find yourself justifying the fact that she is an egomaniac, or unfaithful, for example, just so you can stay with her.
In writing this, I am by no means saying that you should date dogs exclusively, or anything. I am merely pointing out the most widely experienced drawbacks of dating a hot sexy fuckable woman, so that when you do, you are aware of them and are thus less likely to fall prey to her charms. If you remember to keep your sense of pride and self-esteem about you, and refuse to let her even think for a second that she can walk all over you, you will be able to enjoy your hot gal without getting caught up in any of the unpleasant scenarios mentioned above.

Men near and far at some point or another have experienced one or more of these and as such this list both serves to remind us men what we should not get caught up in the heat of the moment as well as help explain to women what our thought process is like in regards to such tings. In any case these are the opinions of other people out there so don't hate me for sharing this outlook with you but you can surely thank me if you agree along with on some level or another. Drop a comment below and be sure to send this blog and future blog posts  to others as well so the knowledge can wash over them as well.

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Precisely Perfect Partner

OK so maybe my name is spelled wrong on this cake and maybe that isn't even my girlfriend but damn she winning major points in the best girlfriend ever category. It's Monday again so you know what that means; time for me to talk about some random topic to hopefully entertain and maybe even educate you. So oddly enough I have been single for about 4 months I think or something. Pardon the lack of time keeping but time kinda froze and jumbled together so don't really recall. Oddly enough recently someone asked me what I look for in a girl and if I was ready to start dating. If there's one thing I learned from my last relationship its probably that I shouldn't be in a relationship; cause honestly I'm starting to think that my idealistic fairy tale view of relationships on a whole is a bit misguided. Don't get me confused; I don't think its wrong I just accept the fact that what I expect of myself I probably shouldn't of others because they come from a different background so they have different values. Granted my views may not be that for all men but i'm of the opinion that on some level most men would probably agree with me. Enough of my rambling in any case the point is today i'm going to break down what makes the ideal partner for a man from my standpoint; feel free to disagree/agree as well as post your comment below giving your insight and opinion as well.

Everyone knows the standard definition of a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets basically highlighting both sides to the perfect woman but what I am going to look at is the physical appearance and the personality. What really matters in a woman in truth and in fact is her personality but its not like they go around wearing their personality  for the world to see. So we are at first as males attracted to the physical appearance and then after time we get to know the personality. Plus its way easier to break down the physical so we will start with that first:

PHYSICAL

• Anywhere between 5"-5"10" is an acceptable height for a female based off the fact that the height of the average male is between 5"5" - 6". Anything outside this range is troublesome depending on your own height in relation. If she is too short it looks a bit awkward not to mention people as well as police officers might judge you without knowing the full story that you aren't actually a pedophile. If she is way taller than you it looks a bit emasculating for you as the man not to mention even the girl herself might be self conscious about towering over you and not being able to wear heels around you.

• Long hair isn't so much a necessity but it is a big plus as a staple point identifier of a woman is her hair. Ideally one would hope to see shoulder length hair but due to society and fashion changing as always concessions have to be made somewhere so as a minimum neck length hair is pretty much acceptable. This is the perfect example of what I am talking about. This pic of Rihanna is perfectly acceptable as she still looks pretty feminine where we have an issue is when I can clearly see your scalp or you feel the need to carve out designs in your skull like a billboard. Still acceptable depending on the level of love but no way will it be better looking than long hair.

• A womanly asset is key; this takes form in a variety of ways on a woman and is seemingly a major defining feature to define her femininity. The main ones that ideally we as men look for are; the breasts, the ass, the camel toe, the figure, the lips, the hips, the hands, the eyes, the clean skin, and the feet. (yes some guys are into that kind of stuff; don't judge). If you possess one or more of these in an above average manner you are well on your way to being the perfect woman. So give yourself a pat on the back; you deserve it.

PERSONALITY

Here comes the tricky part and possibly the part that's going to get me into a lot of trouble. I reiterate these are just the personal musings and ramblings of myself and the men out there that might agree with me so don't take them as gospel for all mean or think of us as trying to be chauvinistic. With that being said here we go:

• An eagerness to please and loyal. Now don't get me wrong we aren't talking about like a stalker type level of omniscience where she just knows all the right things to do even though that would be pretty cool but more so just a show of dedication to pleasing and taking care of her man. Take up an active interest in something of importance to your man that he holds dear to solidify your inclusion in an important aspect of his life. Granted most men seemingly gravitate towards woman who exude qualities of their mother in the caring and nurturing manner but its what we as men grow accustomed to as children and as such we seek to at least recreate that genuine feeling of unbiased and pure love that most of us received from our mothers. Its a reason they say ain't no love like a mothers love but doesn't mean you can't try to emulate it as best as possible.

• Submissive in nature. Men ideally don't like conflict especially with the fairer sex; as such a woman who is a bit submissive in nature is a big plus as it means she appreciates the role of the man in the relationship and family. It is up to the man to prove he is worthy of such submissiveness and show his worth as a man and care giver. A big part of which entails not taking advantage of the aforementioned submissiveness but realizing it is a gift and not something he is entitled to. If that worth is shown on his part then his just rewards should be this well worth submissiveness in all its glory. Now before anyone gets their proverbial panties in a bunch i'm not saying the man should own the woman and be all controlling and such cause that's not a healthy relationship. However the woman shouldn't constantly be having to argue with the man or make snarky comments or deny him of sex out of spite or cheat on him and all these other things that have seemingly become the norm n our society. You love and work it out or you leave and let it be, simple as that.

• Confidence and open mindedness. Know your man and be proud of him in every way shape and form. At no point as a woman should you be in the relationship and not  be thinking of how much you appreciate your man in comparison to others and cherish him all the more for the good that he does for you. If that is not the case and he isn't living up to or trying to live up to the standards of a good man then you need to have the confidence to let him know what you are feeling and what you need from him to make things work and give him the chance to prove himself as a man. Also when it comes to sex a mans greatest weakness is being seduced by a woman he has interest in. Many have fallen prey to the wiles of a confident woman who takes initiative, is open minded and leads him in all the right directions. Know that you are worth a mans time and attention and prove it.

• Be caring and sentimental. You are a girl as such you are expected to be an emotional being even if you aren't  in truth in grasp of your emotions. Give your man the chance to grow and experience your emotions with you so you can grow together. Men like attention so if you decide to pay him the right kinds of attention then we have all the more reason as men to want your presence around us and be with you even more. Any man can attest to the fact that a man would rather feel like his woman is annoying him and try to get space from her than feel like he has to beg for her attention or wonder where her attention actually is being focused. Men are really still kids at heart; its like we have a favorite toy that we play with till we see a new one we want to try out but then as soon as we see the old toy about to be played with we instinctively want it back. So we are all just looking for that special toy that served us well and got us through the hard times that we can cherish and revere.

I realize I might have rambled a bit trying to piece together my thoughts coherently to somewhat string this blog together and as such I posted the above picture that helps itemize somewhat the personality/attitude of the perfect woman. Granted some of these are done on a basis of humor but the idea is in the right place and displays most of the traits I mentioned. If at any point I lost or confused you in reading this blog feel free to ask individual questions in the comments section and i'll try to better answer/express my views on the specific matter. Granted I know we are all imperfect beings and all of what I said wont exist in one person but it doesn't stop an individual from trying to emulate as much of it as possible for the person you love and are in a relationship with. Any man who expects these from a woman should be just as exemplary in his duties as a partner and also strive to exemplify what it means as a man to deserve these things from his partner. Compromise is also key because some traits will be learnt over time and others can be improved upon if not quite at the level they need to be so that needs to be kept in mind. I as a man may not be perfect but i'm going to damn well try to be as close to perfect for the woman i'm with because she deserves nothing but the best that I can give. That is my duty as a man to care for my woman.

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What More Can I Say...

This will be a rant; it may or may not make cohesive sense but you will figure it out. Search your feelings; you know it to be true. This post is just something on my mind I felt like getting off my mind hence it is off my mind and unto the internet commencing now...

Sadness, Angst, Depression; all these feelings and emotions that reek havoc on our fragile little human bodies. For whatever reason we all have these emotions at some point or another and as much as we would like to be able to get rid of them at the flip of a switch we sadly cannot. Relationships go sour, people in our lives die, tragedy strikes in our society; whatever the cause we need to not hide from our feelings but instead embrace them. We must do what we can to rationalize and put them into perspective so that we can retain some level of control in this ever spiraling world we live in. RIP Michael Clarke Duncan, you will be missed. So lets have a chat about relationship based sadness shall we...

LADIES DO NOT BE THE GIRL IN THE PICTURE ABOVE. Prevention is better than cure; if you want to keep a firm grasp of that special DICK in your life then be the type of lady worthy of said DICK. DICK's are a dime a dozen as are vagina's so the onus is on the individual in possession of such to ensure they find a member of matching quality to bond with. However once you find this DICK that you want to be yours you need to do all in your being to ensure you hold on to it while you determine if this is the DICK that compliments your vagina best for whatever reason. Men are very territorial beings and as such if you have been banned from said territory there is minimal chance of you being allowed back with the same rights and privileges you had initially. We are all only mere humans sadly and as such moments will arise when we fuck up in epic proportions. Two paths are put in front you as a girl that has wronged a man or been wronged by a man...

1) Fix what has gone wrong by seeking forgiveness: 

This at times is the road most traveled by women; guys tend to be suckers for tears and at the same time when we feel betrayed or manipulated an apology or clear display or remorse goes a long way. No real man enjoys seeing a female cry deep down so do it long enough and you just may weaken his heart that has been hardened by your transgression. Granted you will have a lot of work cut out for you if you want to salvage what you so effortlessly jeopardized and threw away this is the first step on the road to recovering what it is you want to hold on to. THAT EVER LOVING DICK OF HIS THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO PART WAYS WITH. You are in for a bumpy ride as men are very paranoid by nature so you will have to go the extra mile to cater to and pamper him if you want things to gradually get back to the way things were. Make that DICK know that it is the one for you.

2) So now we look at what to do if you were the one who was wronged. Simply put this is way easier to deal with as you have a wide variety of paths to choose from depending on the type of woman you see yourself as. Lets examine the top three popular choices people make:

The Vengeful Path - this is where you set out to defame, slander, or degrade the public image of the person by whatever means necessary via propaganda, destruction of property, etc. LADIES DON'T BE A BITCH AND GUYS DON'T BE A BITCH NIGGA. This path is never the answer if you have self worth, show some decorum and choose a different path. Don't be that guy/girl to take back gifts and say the sex was bad and whatever; not cool man not cool.

The Confident Path - this is where you hold your head high and realize that you are going to be much better off without this trifling two timing DICK in your life. You have a moment of self reflection and examine the past grievances of the relationship without the rose colored glasses of love clouding your judgement. You realize it was for the best as you cut your losses and move on, thanking high heaven that you found out before the situation got any worse. This is the path you should be taking and the one your brain might tell you to choose but the heart is a fickle thing and it may lead you to the vengeful path.

The Loving Path - this is where you cant deny what you have shared with the person. All the history, memories, moments, time invested, money spent, relationships built, it all takes its toll on you and you try to look past the person's monumental fuck up and you forgive them. You don't necessarily forget  as well but you decide to be civil with the person and try to rationalize the situation for better or for worse. Typically you take a small break apart and then find yourself not being able to function properly without the person. This is where this path breaks off into two more paths where you either resume your relationship hoping for better and not worse or you call it quits and learn from the experience for future reference. Just like the saying goes your ex is your ex because they are an example of what you shouldn't have in your life.

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Relationships either work or they take some work to make them work. Sometimes that means taking all the hardships that come along and having the determination to know that eventually things will get better. Granted not all relationships are salvageable and sometimes you got to know when to call it quits or you will be stuck in an endless cycle just on the receiving end of all the abuse that is being dished out. Know your limits and boundaries and act accordingly; also ensure your partner understands the same.

With all that being said I think I have said all that was on my mind regarding relationships, oh and before I forget any guys reading this can interchange DICK with VAGINA as it applies to them also. Always ensure you don't go into your next relationship with unnecessary emotional baggage that is going to cause problems for the new DICK that enters your life. If all else fails just remember that you have friends and family who love you and just stay away from relationships. Become a hustler...

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